An Open Letter about Friendship

Friendships are valuable. Many outlive romantic relationships. Much has been written about the complexity and depth of women’s friendships.  Today, I choose to write about what happens when a friendship goes awry.

My dear friend: For the past few weeks, I have experienced a multitude of emotions. Shock, betrayal, rage, sadness, anger, hurt, disappointment. I walked around my bedroom in a state of disbelief. I replayed the conversation from the day before about how I am more private on sharing personal details. I remembered hearing the genuine honesty in your voice about not sharing the information with anyone. So, imagine my surprise when I received a text from a mutual friend referencing something I had shared with you in complete confidence. I trusted you. And you betrayed that trust less than 24 hours after it was given. A trust that’s now revoked.

I tried not to dwell on the situation while traveling; however, how could I not? Perhaps had this been the first situation we found ourselves in, I might not be as hurt.

However, we both know that is not the case.

What I find fascinating is discovering the depth of damage I now get to examine. I have spent this month observing all the emotions mentioned above. Friendships, especially close ones, are very important to me. And rather than burn the world down or bridges for that matter, I have chosen quiet. I have chosen reflection. I have chosen care. Slowly, I am returning to being grounded. Slowly, my heart is repairing itself.

There are lessons I continue to learn, and for that, I am grateful. One that stands out most is understanding that I will always care about others. However, I care about me more. Another, not everyone is granted access at the cost of my well-being.

Our friendship will never be the same, and I have spent quite some time grieving this understanding. I do not know where we go from here.

For now, I am comfortable with not knowing.