On the Bond of Friendship
Editor’s Note: This is a co-authored post written by Natalie and her dear friend, MaryScarlett Amaris.
ND: Friendships have always been important and valued. I like to think of myself as someone who does long term relationships; yes, friendships are relationships, well. There are many loved ones who have been part of my life for more than twenty years. Today, my dear friend MaryScarlett and I will share how a necessary alliance became one of the most important relationships in our lives.
MSA: The most significant relationships in my life have always been with women, from the time I could have “best friends” in grade school, to the high school girls who were first enemies but went on to become lifelong sisters.
As I moved into adulthood, there have been more times than I could have imagined, when women have saved my life (literally and figuratively), held me when I snot-bubble cried, called me on my shit, and kicked my ass. THOSE are the friendships that mattered most. That I held closest, that I have not walked away from no matter what, as opposed to romantic partnerships where walking away was all too easy. This is how my relationship with Natalie began (talking about the ass-kicking and calling me on my shit part).
ND: We were both volunteers. I was responsible for managing a group of women including MaryScarlett. Women spoke of her as though she was legendary. Which she was. And yet, she wasn’t doing the job she had committed to doing. And I called her out on it. I remember standing at a bus stop on Park Presidio and California streets in San Francisco, at my wit’s end. Patience had not worked; gentle reminders had not worked, either. In the end, brutal honesty was most effective. I called her a wild pony, which we would later joke about. I gave her twenty-four hours to determine if she wanted the position or not. Little would I know this would be the beginning of a lifelong bond. After our bumpy beginnings, I discovered just how much I genuinely liked MaryScarlett. Insightful and snarky with a heart of gold and shared vulnerability along with a willingness to be uncomfortable ultimately allowed us to align seamlessly.
We have many things in common. Most importantly, we have the same birthday. We are mothers, creatives, love reading and travel, as well as good food and shopping. Yet, the qualities that stand out most are related to how we show up for one another. Whenever one of us is going through something, invariably, the other reaches out. Three years ago, when I was grappling with my mother’s dementia diagnosis and subsequent decline and eventual death, MaryScarlett was my lifeline. With her, I could be my authentic self. Through sadness, frustration, rage, emotional exhaustion and grief, I have been held by MaryScarlett and our friendship.
MSA: Our common birthday, of course, is a point of connection as only cancer sisters can have. The best birthday gift from Natalie is the one she gives all year round: she gets me. There is no need to explain myself. She just gets me. And when either of us is going through it, we always find a place to laugh at a fucked-up situation. I am currently fighting two kinds of cancer. Natalie is my safe place to land; she can hear me when I share my hopelessness, my ability to fight hard. She is the only person I can share with about this. Last summer, after a touch-and go hospitalization, my waist-length red hair – my pride and joy – fell out and was replaced by Snow White hair. Eyelashes, too. Natalie said, “Well, I know you have always wanted to be like me, but this takes it to a whole other level.” There are few sweeter sounds than when one woman hears from another, “Whatever you need.” If this is not the testimony of a loving, committed relationship, I don’t know what is.
ND: The true beauty of friendship is the writing of this blog together. It is MaryScarlett pushing forward through pain and fatigue. It is me witnessing my friend fight for her life.
MSA: For me, it’s watching Natalie stand in her power and greatness in a manner she’s always been of the precipice of. It is the fierceness of unconditionally loving one another throughout all of life’s movements.
